So am i free to vent here? okay? I’m really unhappy. 1) I’m slowly losing hope that I’ll ever find someone who will fully understand me and care for me the way i need to be. I’m already in a fragile as hell state, and having someone there to depend on will certainly make things better. I need someone. 2) I’m developing feelings for this on and off friend of mine. This can’t be good because we’ll ruin our friendship not to mention the future awkward moments to come.. 3) My parents are thinking of a divorce.God knows what will become of this. Before I wanted my parents to get a divorce so I could get a pet dog, but Jesus Christ I was so selfish. Just knowing that the invincible team that are my ‘mom and dad’ aren’t together just really hurts me. Knowing that they’ll never make it to their senior years like they promised on the day of their wedding. 4) I feel that I never get enough attention when it comes to my siblings. I think my brother Justin could say the same thing. Its always Marissa, Marissa, Marissa. I could tell you numerous ways of how this conclusion has been made, but I’ll save my breath.
I know, and can handle not being the family’s favourite child. But seeing how my parents are too busy to not give a shit about what I say is just straight up ridiculous. When I’m a mom, I’ll never let this problem happen. I’ll be so much better than my parents, because no one and no child should be going through what I’m going through. What’s happening is not drastic, but it fucking hurts the same, A boy problem is one thing, but your parents? Your closest family members. It’s hard.. I’m not even going to get into detail about this but I told my dad something, well tried to and he ignored me and just kept his conversation going on with my brother. My mom told him that I had said something, and he said.. “yes marissa?”. What the fuck kind of parenting is that? Automatically saying that just ruined my night, because he wouldn’t think that I would say something. They didn’t even ask how my flag football game went, because I guess I’m not important enough. Or that education comes before athletics. Then when we went home, he asked me to ride in his car to talk about how my day went. If I’m not even important enough to speak to, then what makes you think that I’m doing to ride in a car with you? You pathetic fucking excuse for a father. You don’t know how I feel. Or how to raise a teenager better yet. Honest to God. I wish you knew I was suicidal, or that I have been contemplating suicide. That would wake you up. That would snap you back into realization that you do in fact have 3 children rather than 1. I seriously wish I had cancer, or I got hit by a fucking truck because that’s the only way I’d be noticed in this cruel world. But yes, ignoring your child then later asking for their attention is like leaving them at birth then coming back when you’re 20. Then later, my mom said ‘Oh stop, she’s gonna cry.” What the fuck am I now? Huh? Do I look like a fucking baby to you? The only reason I cry is because I’m been hurt so many times and every little thing that I catch edges me on step close to the side of a building, or one step closer to a gun, or one step closer to just fucking hanging myself for Christ’s sake. I am so fucking fragile that every little thing can bring me to tears. Imagine living like that for years. Fuck my mother fucking shitty pathetic excuse for a mother fucking life. God fucking damn it.
Could you PLEASE do me a favour?
Visit my profile, see the top post? It should be a youtube video. This is my mate Dani B, hes trying to get his big break in the UK music scene. He is currently in a competition to feature in a song with a UK rap/grime artist called Devlin. Please go on the video, like the video and leave a comment if you can. You don\\\'t even need to watch it, its judged on likes and comments (along with views too). You could even repost the blog post if you like it too. Please do me this massive favour!
Thank you!
I haven’t always been this way, but lately, I just hate living. I feel like the only reason that I want to live is because I’m afraid I’ll miss something. I honest to god don’t have a best friend. I feel like everone left me. Everyone gets bored of me. They stick around for a while but then they leave.
(Source: shot-at-redemption)
I have this really lame one from grade 4.. It’s too embarrassing to say LOL.
nope, I wish. Isn’t it such a pretty language?
